The higher reasoning capacity of those opposed to Brexit

The former Labour minister Alan Milburn has flung all his toys out of his pram by resigning from his post as head of the Social Mobility Commission on the grounds that the government is too preoccupied by Brexit to pay any attention to the needs of poor people — despite the fact that, at least in Milburn’s mind, poverty and inequality were the main reason Britain voted to leave the EU. As the Mail reported:

“Mr Milburn said it was striking that 60 of the 65 areas of Britain most in need of better social mobility voted for Brexit. But the Remain campaigner warned the PM: ‘It’s fine to be tough on Brexit but you have to be tough on the causes of Brexit as well.’”

So people voted for Brexit because they were the victims of social injustice. Yet Remainers have told us over and over again that the main reason people voted for Brexit was that they were prejudiced against foreigners. So it seems that Brexit voters were motivated simultaneously by a desire for social justice and by bigotry, one of the greatest of all social injustices! They are at the same time noble victims of a cruelly indifferent world and horrible bigots cruelly indifferent to the rest of the world!

The Liberal Democrat leader, Sir Vince Cable, has also told us that people voted Brexit because they were just a load of old wrinklies nostalgic for the British Empire. So Brexit voters were motivated simultaneously by bigotry towards foreigners, a desire to oppress them through colonialism and a passion for social justice!

Meanwhile Frazer Thompson, chief executive of Chapel Down, the official suppliers of wine to No 10 Downing Street, has said: “The biggest potential impact of Brexit is on agricultural labour. Kent has had eastern Europeans picking fruit in recent years, but we’ll all starve if the labour issue is not sorted after Brexit.”

So Brexit voters are simultaneously the neglected poor, racist bigots, would-be colonialist oppressors and the cause of imminent mass starvation in Britain — merely by possibly occasioning a pay rise for some of the neglected poor in order to attract them to the fruit-picking jobs vacated by exploited foreign workers!

And finally, let’s not overlook the outgoing Dr Who screenwriter, Steven Moffat, who has said Brexit voters are uncomfortable with a female Dr Who because they don’t have liberal progressive views.

So Brexit voters are simultaneously the neglected poor, racist bigots, would-be colonialist oppressors, the cause of imminent mass starvation in Britain — and as proof that their tiny minds are sealed firmly shut, it is claimed on their behalf without a shred of evidence that they are all as irrationally opposed to a Time Lord changing sex as they would be to Tarzanne, Jemima Bond or Queen Kong.

Truly, the Remainers’ capacity for coherent, incisive and forensic thinking is a wonder to behold.